


God, Really?

by CJSpooks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-16
Updated: 2009-12-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 19:54:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CJSpooks/pseuds/CJSpooks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel finally finds God. But Lucifer captures the angel to find out the whereabouts of their heavenly Father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God, Really?

**Author's Note:**

> My first shot at a Supernatural fic.

“Why are we even here?” Dean asked as he exited the Impala.

“There have been reports of demonic activity here,” Castiel replied.

“Oklahoma!” Dean exclaimed as he whistled the well-known show tune.

“Dean, there’s something different about this place. It’s weird.” Sam pointed to the lone building in the field. “Let’s check out that place.”

“Maybe we can ask someone for information, at least. I still think this is bullshit,” Dean huffed and started walking. Sam fell in next to him.

“Duly noted, Dean.” Castiel followed the two Winchesters as they walked through the field. Castiel felt warmth in his pocket. He reached in and pulled out the amulet Dean had given him to aid in his search for the Lord. Castiel’s eyes grew wide as he realized what this meant.

The Winchesters turned at the sound of wings fluttering. “Dean? Where did Cas go?”

“Bathroom break? I don’t know. Probably went on ahead with his angel mojo powers because the human way of walking is too slow. Shouldn’t he know that patience is a virtue?”

*

They found Castiel in a dark room, kneeling in front of a young girl, whose hands were resting on his head. They waved their flashlights and gasped.

“Cas? Is that Claire Novak?”

“Yes.” He whispered.

“What the hell is she doing here?”

They walked up and Dean saw that his amulet was glowing.

“Holy—“ Sam clamped a hand over Dean’s mouth.

*

Castiel had the sense to call Amelia Novak, knowing that it now having both her husband and her daughter as vessels for celestial beings probably was not easy.

“Amelia…”

“Who is this?”

“Castiel.”

“Wait—why are you on a phone? I—I need you right now. There’s an emergency.”

“Claire.”

“Yes, she’s gone missing. I need your help.”

“She’s here with me and the Winchesters.”

“Where are you?”

“Oklahoma.”

“How did she get there? And she’s fine?”

“She is safe. I have no idea how she found her way to us.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“She’s currently being used as a vessel.”

“But you’re still using Jimmy’s body.”

“It’s not me. She’s the vessel of—“

“It’s not a demon, is it? Please—“

“God.”

“What?”

“She’s being used as God’s vessel.”

“Claire?”

“Amelia, I will bring Claire back to you.”

“She’s just like Jimmy, right?”

“Yes.”

Amelia didn’t know what to say to that. She hung up.

“How did she take it?” Sam asked.

“I think she is in shock,” Castiel replied as he closed his phone.

“Well, at least we won’t have a kidnapping charge to worry about.” Dean shrugged.

Dean, Sam, Castiel, and God (in Claire Novak’s body) walked to the Impala. God reached forward to hold hands with Castiel. Castiel did not know how to react to the touch. He stiffened. Sam smiled. Even though it wasn’t really them, it was cute seeing Claire Novak holding her father’s hand.

*

Once they were settled in yet another motel, Dean asked Castiel to step outside. “So what do we do now?”

“We must keep God safe.”

“Aren’t you going to tell the other angels that you found her—him—God?”

“I can’t easily do that now, Dean. I told you I’m cut off from heaven.”

“But God’s right there in a motel room watching cartoons and eating pie!”

“That changes nothing.”

“Why don’t you ask God for angel mojo?”

“That would be disrespectful to my Father. I am supposed to trust in his will.”

“That makes no sense to me.”

“An angel’s relationship with God is different. I…I’ve never…”

“Never what?”

“I’ve never met God before.”

“Are you serious? Didn’t he make you?”

“He created you, as well. You have not met God before today.”

“But you’re a freakin’ angel! From Heaven!”

“This is difficult for me. I do not know what to say.”

“Just be…you. He’ll like you. You’re a good son…angel.” Dean shook his head. “Huh, never thought I’d be pep talking an angel of the Lord in how to talk to God, of all people!”

“I need some time.”

“Fine. I’ll go back in there and see if they need anything. Hopefully Sam isn’t talking God’s ear off with questions.”

Castiel tilted his head at this. Dean sighed. “He can’t literally talk someone’s ear off. It’s a saying people have.”

Castiel nodded as Dean shut the door. He didn’t feel anything as a bright light engulfed him.

*

“Castiel, we meet again. I knew I should have worked harder to get you to join me.”

Castiel opened his eyes to Lucifer standing calmly in front of him. The angel frowned when he realized his wrists were encircled by glowing manacles attached to the walls of the dark room. He tugged on each one.

“You won’t be able to break free from those. I made them myself, especially for you.”

“What do you want?”

“You finally found God.”

“That is not true.”

“Lying is not becoming of an angel, Castiel. Tell me where our Father is.”

“No.”

“I don’t wish to harm our Father. I would just like to see him again.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“But you believe in him, a Father that has abandoned you. A Father that continues to bring you pain and doubt.”

“God and I will defeat you, Lucifer.”

“Tell me where God is, brother. Or suffer the consequences.”

“Do what you will to me. I will not help you.”

“Fine.” He took out a knife and placed it under Castiel’s chin, tracing the contours of it, with no pressure as to not cut him. “You leave me no choice.” He brought the knife down to slash at Castiel’s arm in a harsh and clean swoop.

*

Dean crossed his arms as he sat down on the motel bed. “So, you’re God.” Claire Novak’s head turned its attention away from the television and nodded.

“Why don’t you say something for us?”

She wrote a response down on the notebook Sam handed to her and then handed it back. “Too afraid to use the child’s voice”, Sam read off the paper.

“Don’t worry. Claire’s voice won’t harm our ears, uh…God. Only your real voice would, if you’re like angels.”

God nodded and spoke slowly, “I have not set foot on Earth before. I am unsure of how vessels work.”  
“What about Jesus? He’s technically God, right? So you technically have set foot on Earth. Technically.” Dean rubbed a hand through his hair. He never expected to actually talk to God. Ever. Especially like this.

“That is right, Dean Winchester. Though, I was speaking of my current incarnation.”

“Sorry. I have some questions.”

“I will try my best to answer them.”

“Dean…” Sam looked worried.

“Don’t start, Sammy. I just need to know a few things.”

“Why did you choose Claire Novak?”

“She is special. It’s in her blood.”

“But you also chose her because of her connection to Jimmy, Castiel’s vessel, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then you know Cas has been searching for you for awhile?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you show yourself before? He’s been struggling for months! He feels like you and the rest of his holy family has forsaken him! Couldn’t you have sent him some sort of sign?”

“Castiel is one of my beloved children. He has been tested. And he never lost his faith.”

“You’ve put him through the damn ringer with all the doubt he’s had lately.”

“Doubt strengthens faith in the end. Castiel knows this.”

“Doesn’t make it right. He’s an angel. He deserves better.”

God’s stare intensified to seek the truth. “You care for him.”

Dean did not waver. “Of course I do. He saved me.”

“Because I commanded it.”

“Yeah, when I was in hell…but he’s saved me many times after that, even when I was a dick to him.”

“Castiel is different from the other angels.”

“He loves the Earth you made, buddy. Seems like the only one of your children that I’ve met that gives a damn about it."

“My children are sometimes misguided.”

“I have a feeling you think Castiel is more misguided than your precious Archangels. He died by one of them once.”

“Yes, Raphael.”

“And you had no problem with that. That makes no sense to me. Where the hell were you during all that? Is this your will?”

“Dean, you don’t understand—“

“I know I don’t understand all the weird heaven relationships. I thought being a human was tough. You guys take the cake with issues. They need Jerry Springer up in heaven.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt but, where is Cas, anyway? He’s been gone awhile,” Sam asked.

Dean shrugged, “He said he needed some time to think or something. He’s just outside.”

Sam opened up the motel door. “Nope, not here.”

God looked worried. Claire’s eyes shut for a few seconds and then snapped open. “He’s been taken by Lucifer. Lucifer wants to know where I am.”

*

Castiel stared at the blood as it dripped down his arm and his wrist, falling from his fingertips. He could feel each drop hit the floor with a plop that echoed in his eardrums. His knees buckled. He felt weak.

“One drop at a time. It’s excruciating, isn’t it? I made sure you’d feel every sensation.”

“Lucifer…”

“Unless you’re telling me where our loving Father is, I don’t want to hear it, Castiel.”

“He still loves you.”

Lucifer entered Castiel’s personal space and grabbed his chin roughly. “No, he doesn’t. God doesn’t have time to love fallen angels like you and me.”

“I have not fallen.”

“You might as well be. God’s not in heaven anymore. He doesn’t care what happens to the world he created for them. He’s not giving the angels anything they won’t take for themselves. You’ve fallen and just haven’t seen it.”

“You speak poison. God is here on Earth to—“

“To what? Yell at me and all the other angels for being bad children? Is he going banish us to sit in the corners of the world and sulk? You don’t know God like I do, kiddo. I’ve known him a lot longer than you. He doesn’t deserve your truest loyalty. He’ll just hurt you in the end. He’ll probably not even care that you’re taking all this pain for him.”

“He is still the almighty Father.”

Lucifer laughed. “You are the most pathetic thing ever, Castiel. You follow so blindly. How did you end up rebelling?” Lucifer looked him in the eyes. Castiel glared. “Right, you did it all for the Winchesters. Was it worth it? You can’t hear the Heavenly Host anymore. You can’t expel demons. You can’t heal. You can barely transport yourself. You’re nothing. Doesn’t that bother you? You’re nothing, even after you’ve found God!”

Castiel did not respond. Lucifer patted his cheek. “Sorry to bum you out. But it’s all true and you know it. Funny how you thought just finding God would make everything with me and the apocalypse all better. Our Father is not a band-aid, Castiel. He can’t magically heal all wounds over time. This place is all sorts of messed up. He probably thinks he’s better off starting over, as well. If he wanted to save the damn place he would have already.”

“Do not presume to know what God is thinking, Lucifer.”

“Another sin against me, brother.” He shrugged. “This is God’s plan? To have you suffer for a world that doesn’t mean anything anymore? Humanity was given this place and they messed up. And you, a wonderful angel of the Lord, messed up. Your pretty blue eyes got too wide and lost sight of the mission. You let the Winchesters mess everything up. And you tried to fix it and ended up pissing every other angel off in the process. You’re alone. You know it’s true. You really know how to fail.”

Castiel felt the weight of Lucifer’s words as blows from all sides. He let out a groan and sank to his knees on the floor. His arms were still outstretched to the sides and bleeding slowly. He let his head sink down to his chest.

Drop drop drop. Castiel shuddered as he let the pain wash over him. Drop drop drop.

Lucifer stood in front of Castiel and ran his hand through the dark hair. “Now do you have something to tell me, Castiel?”

*

“Can’t you boink yourself in there and save Cas?” Dean asked.

“It is not that simple.” God sighed.

Dean shook his head. That was not a good enough answer. “Screw that, you’re freakin’ God. Save your son from…your other son!”

Sam touched his brother’s arm. “Dean, you can’t order God around. That’s just all kind of wrong.”

“I can’t believe this. I told you from the beginning that this is bullshit.”

“When you first mentioned “bullshit”, I thought you were referring to the reports of demonic activity,” God replied.

“Oh cute, you were eavesdropping on our conversation way before we even saw you? Just lovely.”

“I hear everything.”

“Can you hear Cas’s prayers?”

“He is not praying.”

“What is he doing then? Toasting champagne in your honor?”

God paused a second before whispering, “No, he’s slowly losing his faith in me.” A tear fell from Claire Novak’s eyes. “He is suffering under Lucifer’s hand.”

Sam shoved Dean’s shoulder. “Look what you did. You made God cry.”

“And you’re not funny.”

Claire’s eyes suddenly bore into both Winchesters. “We are going to save Castiel. I know how.”

“How?” Sam asked.

The vessel stood up and straightened. “I will go to Lucifer.”

Dean shook his head. “God is not exactly bright on tactics…”

*

“I don’t know why you’re so stubborn, brother. You’ve lost so much on account of our Father. Your loyalty at this moment means nothing. Why not make this easier on yourself?” Lucifer pulled Castiel’s chin up so he could look into his eyes.

“I still have faith.”

“What a fool you are, Castiel.” Lucifer took a step back. “I could make the pain go away.”  
Castiel shook his head.

“So be it.” Lucifer pulled out the knife again. With one quick slash, a cut was made from his right shoulder to left side. Castiel screamed. Blood soaked quickly through his shirt. The bottom half of his tie fell to the floor. “Revel in the pain. There’s more where that came from.”

Lucifer paused and looked up. “He’s here.”

*

“So you’re just going to go head to head with Lucifer?” Sam asked they drove up to an abandoned saloon.

“I will talk to him,” God replied.

“And you think that’s going to make everything all better?” Dean put the car in park and let out a sigh.

“I will use force if I have to.”

“Don’t do anything too crazy. Cas promised Amelia Novak that he’d bring Claire back in one piece,” Dean said.

“The vessel will remain intact.”

“So what do you want us to do?” Sam asked.

“Nothing.”

“We can’t let you do this alone.” Dean turned around to stare into Claire Novak—God’s—eyes.  
“You will.” And with that, God reached out and placed two fingers to both of the Winchester’s foreheads. They both fell into a deep sleep.

*

“Lucifer!” God yelled as he exited the Impala and approached the abandoned saloon.

“Hello, Father.” Lucifer smirked. “Nice vessel. Did you pick it up at Toys R Us?”

“You must leave here.”

“Fine, we can go somewhere nicer. I hear Bali is nice.”

“I want you to leave Earth.”

“Why? This place has already turned to shit. I thought I might just claim it before it all goes…to hell.”

“I will not ask again, Lucifer.”

“You’re making me shake in my boots. You can’t make me leave.”

“I will not make you leave. You will leave out of your own accord.”

“Ha! And abandon all this? There’s nothing for you here. Your lovely humans messed this all up. See? I always told you the angels were better. But no, no one listens to Lucifer. You left heaven just to tell me to leave. This feels like a joke.”

“Lucifer…”

“Now don’t get angry with me. I didn’t leave the Earth in the hands of these beings. You’ve failed to make whatever point you were trying to make.”

“Lucifer, you were the one that failed here. Go now.”

“I didn’t start all this. It was the Winchesters. Why aren’t you mad at them?”

“There is no one to blame for all this. It was part of the plan.”

“Some plan. Is me being here right now talking to you part of the plan?”

“I plan to retake the Earth. You must leave. You are a stain upon this land.”

“This makes no sense to me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Why you’re here, why we’re having this conversation. Where have you been?”

“Watching.”

“As this place goes down the drain? As many of the angels in heaven kill each other? And causing perfectly good ones to rebel since they don’t know what’s what?”

“You are referring to Castiel.”

“Yes. I have him.”

“I know.”

“He’s an interesting little angel. He hasn’t broken yet. I feel like I’m so close…You don’t deserve the devotion he has for you, you know. I hate how his eyes only want to see you, worship you.”  
“You’re jealous. You hate that you don’t have the faith he has.”

“Yeah, I had that little thing called faith once. And I loved you. Then you turned your back on me. All I want is that kind of love. He has faith and he loves you unconditionally. He doesn’t even know you like I do. He’s just a lowly garrison angel. It isn’t fair.”

“I still love you, Lucifer.”

“Why?”

“Because I made you. Like I made the other angels and humanity. You are all beautiful in my eyes.”

“Father…”

“I will not say this again. I want you to leave Earth. Now.”

Lucifer shook his head. “I never get what I want.”

“This place is not what you want.”

“I hate when you’re right. I’ll leave, but I don’t guarantee that I won’t be back.”

“I will still be watching.”

Lucifer disappeared. God went to go find Castiel.

*

“Castiel?” God approached the angel, who was still on his knees with his arms in chains. Castiel didn’t respond. He was too busy listening to the drops of blood still falling slowly to the floor from his wounds. God placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “Lucifer has gone.”

“I’ve failed.”

“You have not failed, my son.” God released Castiel from the chains and caught him as he pitched forward. God held Castiel close. “You still have faith, don’t you?”

Castiel shuddered. “I—I—Yes.”

“Then you are still a good angel.”

“I don’t—“

“Shh, it is going to be alright. I have taken the world from Lucifer’s destruction. I am going to give it back to humanity again. I believe they will do what is right and restore it to its former glory.”

“Yes, I believe they will too,” Castiel whispered.

God pulled back slightly to pick up one of Castiel’s bloody hands. He hissed at the contact. “You have suffered for me. I am eternally grateful.”

“I just did what I thought was right, Father.”

“Your unwavering devotion will be rewarded, Castiel.”

“Where are Dean and Sam? Are they alright?”

“I left them sleeping in the Impala. They are safe.” God sighed. “I must go back to Heaven. Your brothers and sisters need me. They have no light to guide them. I must take care of them.”

“I am glad that I had found you.”

“And I you.”

God raised a hand and pressed two fingers against Castiel’s forehead.

*

Castiel awoke in the backseat of the Impala, with the sleeping form of Claire Novak curled up next to him. He stroked her hair, knowing that his Father was no longer inhabiting the body.

Dean groaned and he ran a hand through his hair. “What the hell?”

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said from the backseat.

“Cas! You’re okay. I guess that means God succeeded?”

Castiel nodded.

Sam jerked awake. “Wow, that was a strange dream.” He turned around. “Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Sam.”

“How?”

“My Father banished Lucifer and came to my aid.”

“Where did your Father run off to? We didn’t get to thank him,” Dean said as he started up the car.

“My Father went back to Heaven to give faith back to my brothers and sisters.”

Dean chuckled. “Damn, wish I could see that. Seeing the likes of Zachariah getting put in their place by daddy dearest? I would pay to see that!”

“Did you get to talk to God, Cas?” Sam asked.

“Briefly, as he released me and healed my wounds.”

“Then did you ask for your angel mojo back?” Dean asked.

“Not specifically. I still trust in his will.”

“I still think you should have asked him to help you out a little.”

“Basking in the presence of my Father was enough for my soul. I didn’t need to ask for anything more.”

“Maybe I should have asked him for a hot fantasy date.”

“Dean, I don’t think you want God angry at you.”

“Shut up, Sam.”

Sam turned to the angel, “Hey, Cas? Do you want us to drive you to Illinois so you can bring Claire home?”

Dean nodded. “I almost forgot about the kid! Yeah, we can definitely do that.”

Castiel shook his head. “That is not necessary. I can bring her home myself.”

“Alrighty. We’ll see you later then.”

“Yes, later.”

With a flutter of wings, Castiel and Claire were gone.

*

Castiel and Claire stood in front of Jimmy Novak’s house in Pontiac, Illinois. Claire looked up at the angel. “Castiel?” she asked.

Castiel looked down at her. “Yes, Claire.”

“Was I really God’s vessel?”

“Yes.”

“Why did God choose me?”

“You are special. Like Jimmy.”

“I miss God.”

“He is everywhere, Claire. Pray and he will hear you.”

“Thank you for bringing me home.”

“You’re welcome.”

They knocked on the front door. Amelia Novak’s eyes lit up at the sight of her daughter, safe and sound. “Claire! Oh my God!” She laughed and engulfed her daughter in a fierce hug. Castiel stood off to the side.

Amelia kissed Claire on the cheek and then finally acknowledged Castiel’s presence. “Castiel. Thank you.”

“I promised that I would bring her back safely.”

“Yes, you did.” She looked him over. “Are you alright?”

Castiel nodded. “I am fine. I will be going now.” He disappeared.

*

Castiel sat down on a park bench and watched the world go by. He knew he should be at peace with the fact that he had finally found his father, which in turn caused Lucifer to leave the Earth and his father to return back to heaven, but there still was a feeling inside he could not place.

“It’s called longing, Castiel.”

Castiel’s eyes widened as a little boy sat down next to him. “Father?”

“I quite like child vessels. They are pure and most beautiful.”

“I thought you went back to heaven.”

“I did. I also wanted to see you again.”

“Me? Why?”

“You are special to me, Castiel. You were the one that found me.”

“I was the only one that still believed you were alive.”

“Your faith…it scared Lucifer, you know.”

“I scared Lucifer?”

“He was jealous of you. You had faith in me, something he hadn’t possessed in centuries. He didn’ t know that it still existed. When he saw it in you, he got scared.”

“That’s interesting.”

“Yes, it is.”

“You didn’t just come to tell me this.”

“I also came to give you something.” God sidled up to Castiel and pulled on his tie so they were face to face. God rested his forehead against Castiel’s. Castiel felt a warmth pass from God’s vessel to his own.

“It’s what Dean Winchester would call your ‘angel mojo’.”  
“Heavenly grace?”

“Yes, you are now connected to heaven again.”

“I don’t deserve this. I rebelled and killed some of my brothers.”

“Castiel, you believed in my plan. You trusted me. You deserve this. Take it and continue on your righteous path. Help the Winchesters. Help humanity.”

“Thank you, Father.” Castiel bowed his head. God placed his hand on his son’s.

“We’ll see each other again.”


End file.
